I see the woman I think I am on the body of someone else
And so I run to her, only to end up running into me
And I bang heads with myself,
bang heads with myself,
hoping for some recourse against the pain of slipping again—
But alas I am alone
I am lonely.
And nothing is enough.
I want love to ooze into me like nothing else,
but my boy is busy with dreams I cannot ask about.
And I wish I had my own secret ways,
and a namesake hidden somewhere living a new life in my honor,
doing better than I am doing right now.
And so badly I want a guest to come into this place,
To give worth to all the time I’ve spent
polishing those giants of mahogany threshold,
But I hear a ‘tap tap tap’ clocking of the staircase
and heavy feet mounting the precipice to their own doors
and I know at once my neighbor will not be here for dinner.
When did I jump so hard head first into my own thing?
When did the phone stop ringing
And all the receiver ends in the world forget my number
What is hell if not to reach out for one
Only to be met by your own reflection
What is hell if not the incapacity to feel love
All those dreams wasn’t worth it
I know this is wisdom because it’s knowledge that has come too late
I know now what happens to a dream deferred
I know now where love dies unheard